Two Video Humor

I categorized both of these videos under Humor. You may not see the first one as funny but I laughed when I saw it. It certainly wasn’t for the participants but years later it may. Wedding Disaster

The second one reviews the year 2008 about as well as could be done in song. Uncle Jay Explains: Year End! 12-22-08

Enjoy and Happy New Year.

Best Service is Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force?

Humor from the Internet to which a friend of mine said, “I’ll drink to that!”.

A Soldier, Sailor, Airman and Marine got into an argument as to which service was “the best.” The arguing became so intense the four servicemen failed to see an oncoming truck. They were struck and killed instantly.

Soon the servicemen found themselves at the Pearly Gates where they met St. Peter. They decided only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four asked him, “St. Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?” After a few moments he replied that he could not answer that and would have to kick it up to God for an answer the next time he saw Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on earth and welcome to Heaven..

Sometime later the four see St. Peter and remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven. Suddenly a sparkling white dove lands on St. Peter’s shoulder. there is a note, glistening with gold dust, in the dove’s beak. “This must be the answer from the Boss, let’s see what it says.”

He opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos, and St. Peter reads aloud to the servicemen.

MEMORANDUM: FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY.

TO: Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines.
SUBJ: WHICH MILITARY SERVICE IS BEST.

Gentlemen, all branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble. Each serves America well and with distinction. Being servicemen in the United States Military represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute and dedication. Be proud of that.

Sincerely,

GOD, USN (Ret)

Obama, Guns and Kids

This one has been going around the net.

Barack Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America . He is considered by those who have dealt with him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school assembly in EastTexas, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, ‘Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.’

Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ”Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!’

Hill and Bill and Barack and John Need Help from Microsoft

Microsoft, HELP! In this age of 24/7 TV news, talk shows, U Tube and bloggers, the poor presidential candidates are helpless. Nowadays, stuff they say at a private fundraiser in San Francisco or a speech in Texas can haunt them nationwide especially if “gate” can be tagged on a sound bite. Our whole time honored system of checks and lies is at risk. But we all know technology can solve any problem including this one. So get busy Microsoft, your nation calls.

To: Microsoft

For: Presidential Candidates

Subject: Request for Proposal

Provide software and hardware to meet the requirements set forth below:

1. Insert a ten second delay into public address systems, media microphones and all video and voice recording devices within range of any candidate whose lips are moving. Use this time and Google (or Yahoo if you buy it) to accomplish the below tasks.

2. Fact check current comments.

3. Compare current comments with prior comments on the same or similar subjects.

4. Using voice/video duplication technology or previous recordings, insert appropriate words/gestures to achieve historical and factual consistency.

5. Override consistency insert in specification #4 above if such words may tick off current audience, contain words for which your mother would wash out your mouth with soap or actually states the candidate’s true beliefs.

6. Insert static, fire alarm sound or loudly shouted words “Thank you very much. On to victory!” as appropriate.

Clear Fog in Prickly City

If you read my previous post on the nationally syndicated comic strip Prickly City, you’d see that Clear Fog raised a serious constitutional issue with the strip. The cartoonist, Scott Stantis, poking fun at the current presidential race, has a left leaning coyote running for president with a right of center girl as his vice-president. Unfortunately for their ticket, the constitution places restrictions on candidates from the same state. As a result, Scott revised his story line and you can see the finished product in the Seattle Times Comics for March 31 through April 3, 2008. Just under the lower right hand corner of the on-line strip for April 3 is a drop down menu for previous days.

Thanks to Scott Stantis for a very funny strip and responding so graciouly to a blogger from Seattle. Thanks go also to well known conservative Seattle attorney and constitutionalist, Richard Derham, for adding the finer points on the constitutional provisions. (see Dick’s comments on my original post).

Prickly City in the Funnies

Prickly City is a great syndicated cartoon strip featuring a liberal coyote named Winslow and a conservative girl named Carmen. Winslow is running for president and has convinced Carmen to be on his ticket as vice president. Hence the two following e-mails between myself and the cartoonist:

Dear Scott Santis,

I am sorry to inform you but Article II, Section 1, subsection 3 of the U.S. Constitution provides that the President and Vice President may not be from the same state. Not that a coyote and a girl wouldn’t make a better ticket than Hillary/Barry or Barry/Hillary but the law is the law. Great cartoon by the way.

Warren Peterson
www.clearfogblog.wordpress.com

Warren,

GREAT point. I fancy myself a Presidnetial expert and I totally missed this point!

I will most definatley be using it as a story line in Prickly City. When I do, please contact me again so I can send you a copy of the series. I am very, very grateful to you for making me feel very, very stupid.

Thanks again,

Scott Stantis

Far from stupid, Scott is refreshingly unpretenious. It will be fun to see how he weaves in the new information. Look for Prickly City in the Seattle Times. Select a date from the drop down menu, click on “Click” and enjoy.

Congress Works?

I wasn’t sure whether to classify the below web address (video) as Humor or National Politics. Sometimes they seem the same.

Enjoy.

Congress Works

Season’s Greetings

Another bit of humor sent by a friend:

For My Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated
recognition of the of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.
By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual
application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

For My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Non Offensive Mormon Humor

While preparing a post on Mitt Romney’s religion and his electability, I remembered my favorite Mormon joke; actually my only Mormon Joke.

The Pope calls an emergency meeting of the College of Cardinals. He tells them that he has some good news and some bad news. First the good news. “Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ has returned to earth.” Great cheers erupt from the assembled cardinals. Then one of them says, “Your Holiness, if Jesus has returned, what could possibly be the bad news?”

The Pope replies, “He called from Salt Lake City.”

Depression – Humor from the Web

I was feeling a little depressed the other day so I called Lifeline. I was put through to a call center in Pakistan. I explained I was feeling suicidal.

They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly a plane.