Clear Fog Blog

Political musings from Warren E. Peterson

Hill and Bill and Barack and John Need Help from Microsoft

Posted by Warren Peterson on April 23, 2008

Microsoft, HELP! In this age of 24/7 TV news, talk shows, U Tube and bloggers, the poor presidential candidates are helpless. Nowadays, stuff they say at a private fundraiser in San Francisco or a speech in Texas can haunt them nationwide especially if “gate” can be tagged on a sound bite. Our whole time honored system of checks and lies is at risk. But we all know technology can solve any problem including this one. So get busy Microsoft, your nation calls.

To: Microsoft

For: Presidential Candidates

Subject: Request for Proposal

Provide software and hardware to meet the requirements set forth below:

1. Insert a ten second delay into public address systems, media microphones and all video and voice recording devices within range of any candidate whose lips are moving. Use this time and Google (or Yahoo if you buy it) to accomplish the below tasks.

2. Fact check current comments.

3. Compare current comments with prior comments on the same or similar subjects.

4. Using voice/video duplication technology or previous recordings, insert appropriate words/gestures to achieve historical and factual consistency.

5. Override consistency insert in specification #4 above if such words may tick off current audience, contain words for which your mother would wash out your mouth with soap or actually states the candidate’s true beliefs.

6. Insert static, fire alarm sound or loudly shouted words “Thank you very much. On to victory!” as appropriate.

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